Okay, I suck. I haven't posted in forever, but to make up for it, here is a link to the most fabulous last minute gift ever conceived: Giant Microbes!

We got a real live xmas tree this weekend, our house smells all x-mas-y. We have been a house of illness for weeks now, HH has something that just came back after a round of antibiotics that should have killed all bacteria in the house, never mind his body. I have had 2 fevers and have been sounding like Harvey Weinstein until very recently. Tiny Muffin has reflux and is lucky if I can remember to give her the Tagamet that seems to help so much. My memory is simply shot lately; thank goodness for cell phones with preprogrammed numbers or no one would ever get a call from me.

Let's see, what else is new? Despite all my feminist wishes, I just love the new Snoop Dogg song. Snoooooo-oop! I love the parking dance that goes with it, check the video out if you haven't seen it yet. It seems to be on at 5am a lot. It features a terrificly unattractive Snoop and some girls who should have much more in the way of self-worth, but it also has people doing the clicky noise and the parking dance, and is filmed in very "artsy" black and white.

I must go dash to make myself some food before the world's most enormous baby (almost 12 pounds two weeks ago!) wants to eat again and I am chained to the couch for 1/2 feeding followed by 1/2 hour of holding the baby upright so acid doesn't eat her tiny esophagus.

Today the BabyHead and I took a nap, as we are wont to do, and I awoke before she did. This is mainly due to the fact that she has ceased the every 1.5 hour feedings and moved on to the age appropriate every 3-4 hours. You have no idea what heaven this is, except that my boobs haven't got the word yet and produce twice the juice needed, making my already abnormally large breasts even bigger and much harder and ouchy. I left BabyHead on the bed as I went to brush my teeth, then got paranoid and put her in her bassinet so she wouldn't drown in the sheets of the big bed. I puttered around a little longer, and when I returned to the bedroom I discovered an EMPTY BED! Aagggh! She has suddenly learned how to roll over and is buried beneath the tangle of blankets! Then I remembered about the bassinet, and there she was, cute as the cutest button and sound asleep. It was only as I was walking out of the room again that I realized my heart was racing. Oy. I don't know if I can hack 60+ more years of this.

Thanksgiving Day: 10 am. We set off on the 1.5 hour drive to my mother's for dinner.

10:30 am. A puff of smoke and the subsequent non-worky-ness of the power steering signal the long awaited demise of our serpentine belt. We pull off the road in the middle of nowhere, conveniently in a spot where our cell phones do not work. I walk up the road in the drizzling rain to call AAA (which I have thankfully just renewed. Whew.) and I play the baby card to get priority service.

11:28 am. A nice man named Dale picks us up and takes us back home. BabyHead digs the ride; the seat in the tow truck is way up high and she gets all jiggled around. This is baby heaven. HH does not enjoy the ride so much; he is relegated to the non-existent back seat, which is covered in metal filings.

12:15 pm. We head back to my mother's in the car that did not pass inspection, hopeful that we do not get a ticket.

1:38 pm. Somehow, we are still the first to arrive for dinner.

Holiday Drama Check: My idiot brother dis-invites his wife to dinner because they are fighting and doesn't want to create a scene. This course of action just pisses everyone off and obviously upsets the wife. He brings his daughter and then proceeds to sleep on the couch the entire day, leaving child care up to the rest of us. Grr. Plus, health of uncle is clearly not so good. No one talks of Xmas. :(

Upshot of Holiday: Baby=cute in her white pilgrim dress and hat. Is called Goodwife all day. Brother=jerkity jerk jerk, nobody calls him on it to his face because we are repressed Catholics. Traci and family=tired, as we end up driving home that night late because HH is ill. He goes on antibiotics the next day. On Saturday we pay three times the amount we are able to in order to fix the damned car. Dinner=super tasty. The pies I slaved over all day=not eaten, leaving me heartbroken. We take one of them home with us in shame.

Sorry for the non-postyness; HH went to CA for business and I went to my mother's for free babysitting, which was really just a break from the constant holding, I didn't leave the house or anything.

I did, however, manage to dump the sleeping baby out of her carseat and facedown onto the floor. In my defense it was very late at night and the carrying handle was not in its usual position. In my prosecution, however, I laughed for 15 minutes afterwards.

On the same night, my mother set off the fire alarm ("dinner's ready!') and BabyHead jumped a mile and had the cutest terrified look on her face. And here I thought her eyes couldn't get any bigger. All in all it was a good visit but that was a rough night for the tiny muffin.

Things that are so cute I can't stand it:

BabyHead in her strawberry Halloween costume (pictures to be posted soon)

BabyHead sneezing and shooting her pacifier halfway across the couch

The way she smushes her face into my boob and snuffles when she is almost done nursing

Errr, umm. I don't know what to do with myself. The baby and HH are both asleep. There is not time, I don't think, to wake HH for some naughty fun time, as the baby will wake soon, I think, and naughty interruptus is no fun. (that was a poem sentance.) So I have cleaned the stovetop. Loaded the dishwasher. Went through the mail and paid a bill. (so this is how being a mom happens.) Then I made hot chocolate, and still, no awake baby. I am lost in the confusion of not having a person attached to my boobs.

HH goes to California on Sunday for a whole week. A whole week of manlessness. It is sad. But he will get some sleep, I hope, and eat lots of tasty Chinese food. Oh and learn stuff, I suppose, as that is why he is getting paid to go there. I will be here with mi madre, and then at her casa (I speak spanglish!) until he returns, as I am so not ready to be alone with the baby for that long. She is overall the best baby in town, but there are pockets of not sleeping that last for hours, or, more fun, a 24 hour period where she sleeps in 15-60 minute bursts and feeds every hour or so. Whee! Then, on the 25th hour, she slept for 3.5 hours, a record for her so far (yet to be repeated). I was so freaked out I kept checking on her to make sure she was breathing, because why else would she not be making me feed her??? I don't think I have this mom thing down yet.

There are signs of fussing, so I will make this brief. Here is my dilemma: I am an out of work mother, and the doctor gave me a prescription for more percoset than I need. (they make me sort of loopy, so I only took half a pill at a time) I know that there are people out there who would pay a premium for my tasty leftover narcotics, (and a relative who would connect me-don't ask) but I feel way too guilty to sell them, as I would imagine them being ingested by some innocent high school student and I just don't cotton to selling drugs to minors, even though as a minor myself I took things like that frequently. On the other hand, I have a problem with throwing something out that is worth money. And I didn't even really pay a lot for them, my copay is like $10. It's the principle of the thing. It's not like I can keep them around for a time I would need them in the future; if pain occurs that I need a percoset for, I will go to the doctor for treatment and the fixing of the painful thing first and he will prescribe me some more. so, do I become an illicit drug dealer, potentially ruining the lives of millions of small children, or do I become a wasteful consumer? Or thirdly, do I take percoset when I get my next 8 headaches? What to do, what to do?